Hai?

HEY.  I haven't blogged here in So! FREAKING! LONG!  Wow.  Basically, I've been incredibly busy and stressed out in this way that tends to create a stress loop, which really sucks.  I spend a lot of time just being stressed and a lot of energy on freaking out, but I don't spend enough time actually doing the things that maybe have a chance at alleviating the stress.  So.  That's a thing.  Also, I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, spending a lot of time freaking out about that.  I'm pretty sure that industrial design isn't quite right for me, but now I'm questioning if any kind of design is what I want to be doing.  Do I actually want to design?  Do I love designing, or do I love design and designers?  Those are distinctly different things.

I saw james bond today.  There was a lot of shirtless daniel craig and for an old guy, he's really hot.

I'm probably going to get grades that are bad enough that they won't keep up my scholarship, which would suck.   I mean, it's not a huge scholarship or anything, but I would rather have it than not have it, you know?  I don't know if they give you a semester to raise your grades back up or what.

I'm going to die sad and alone.  Whatever.

For this summer, it looks like I'm going to try to get an internship, and if that doesn't work, I might go on this school trip to the dominican republic, or I might take a writing workshop at WMU and then also work at the library and make prints all the time and write all the time.  That doesn't seem like that bad of a situation to be in, even if it was after I'm done with school.  Working at the library and writing and making prints?  NOT BAD.  Or I could work at a coffeeshop (Sparrows) and become Rebecca Green.  Because surely, what made Rebecca Green awesome was working at Sparrows.*

I also have kind of plans to eat paleo/slow carb ish after christmas is over.  And maybe exercise (!?!?) or something.  I feel like I want to get in better shape.  So that's a thing.

*sarcasm.  Rebecca Green is awesome because she probably worked her ass off at making awesome art.

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(minipost)

Do you ever have those afternoonsdaysmonthsyears where you feel wildly unmotivated?  There are things to do and you sit down to work on them, but you just can't?  That is me.  All this week.  It isn't very much fun, I'll tell you.  Not fun at all.  Like a day in which you do absolutely nothing and end up sort of hating yourself a little bit?  That is my everyday since Sunday in which I did nothing.  Like got out of bed at 1 pm and lazed about in my pyjamas all day doing nothing.

That kind of makes me hate myself a little bit.  Eh.

I am also thinking of novellas as a viable option and embracing the idea of the book as a physical object.  I want to learn the basics of bookbinding and make a limited run of this little project I've been working on.  I'm thinking that it would be free to download, with an optional donation* and then have the same thing as a printed piece of wonderfulness.  Or maybe try to find a publisher?  Melville House has come up a few times in passing over the years, and they seem like they might be interested in this sort of thing.

There's also this other project that I've been working on, with a friend.  It's very exciting and a little bit scary and I'm sometimes overcome with that very bad feeling that I tend to get when I'm doing group projects at school, where you feel like you're not putting in enough work and then the paranoia takes over and you just know that everyone else resents you and thinks you don't deserve to be in the group.  I am a little bit crazy in this way.  YUP.

Maybe this minipost is not actually so miniature after all.  Hum de dee.  I'm going to bed now, I have to get to school early tomorrow for a Furniture club meeting.  Furniture club is one of those events that reminds me that oh, yes, there are more than five people in this program.  Funny.  I brought home my model of the table thing that I made and it is...incredibly useless.  Where am I supposed to put this thing?  I might just throw it away...

I am thinking more about sculpture lately.  I really like 3D.  We are building masks that are supposed to evoke emotions and mine is agression.  I have a lot of pent up agression inside my soul.

*to the "Samantha gets to write fun things fund"

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I found this piece of paper.

In a bag.  My AP Lit teacher (who was pretty awesome) passed these out to all of us on the last day of my senior year of high school.  Now, I'm sharing it with you.

blessing the boats
by Lucille Clifton

(at St. Mary's)

may the tide
that is entering even now
the lip of our understanding
carry you out
beyond the face of fear
may you kiss
the wind then turn from it
certain that it will
love your back may you
open your eyes to water
water waving forever
and may you in your innocence
sail through this to that

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Create.

You know, like, make stuff.  I need to do that.  I need to make something for myself, something not school related, something that is satisfying and makes me feel like I matter.  I should really work harder on this novel.  I like it, I like it a lot, but it's hard to motivate myself.
Okay.  Here's the deal(io).  My current wordcount is 3391.  By the time I go to sleep tonight, it will be 8,000 or higher.  And, as an added bonus for my lovely, lovely readers, there will be a drawing, created by me, of something in my bedroom.  Probably my chair.  Or desk.  Posted on the blog.
Making promises is probably a good way to force myself to do stuff.

Today during lunch, I made myself a new twitter profile image.  I like it quite a bit.  I used the tutorial made by the ever-inspiring Door Sixteen.

And here is a random picture that I took quite some time ago.  It's muffins.

Today's Teriffic Tuesdayness

It will be, anyway. I just had a dream about the first day of school. It' wasn't particularly pretty, but I did have an hour off for an independent study about Japan's culture. I've never been particularly interested in Japan's culture, but...whatever. I was jumping up and down when I found out that I had an independent study about it.
Maybe this is my subconscious telling me that I like Japan's culture?
Today I'm going to finish painting the sticks (both sets) and then take a shower. After that I'm going to set up my still life, then go to the doctor, then get home and draw my still life( for a while. I don't want to finish it yet) , then decoupage my box (most likely with furniture pictures) and figure out what on earth I'm going to put inside of it. A pencil, painted white, maybe? A leaf of some sort, painted white? Guys, I need small objects that can be painted white! In the comments!

If I was seventeen

Okay, those are the lyrics to some song, but I can't remember the title or any of the other lyrics.
Sixteen looked like thisAnd thisAnd this (we have titled it "Samantha is a pretty little princess") Are you feeling the paleness? I'm feeling the paleness up in here.And finally, thisHow are we feeling about that hair? Both of my parents said it looked good, but I think it looks absolutely ridiculous. And, of course.I have also discovered that today is International No Diet Day. Did you have fun not dieting? I did. Also, Tony Blair's birthday and Give Samantha Balloons Day and The Day After Hank Green's Birthday Day. Were those good? Did you celebrate? I was celebrating all of them at the same time. Are you amazed yet?
This next picture is a big deal. It's me, at seventeen. Can you see the oldness on my face?*

Seventeen doesn't look that old, but it feels old. It feels really old. I'm an adult now. A legit adult, one who can buy tickets to R-rated movies and drive after midnight and do all sorts of crazy things. It's kind of amazing. I feel compelled to be something when I'm seventeen. What should I be? There's the whole...book situation, and then there's the art situation. When Harry was seventeen, he was saving the world. There's no pressure, no pressure.
*Please note that I was wearing the Communist Party shirt for most of my seventeenth birthday. This will be significant for posterity and such.

Yay happy fun time

That's a slightly ridiculous title, but I believe that I refered to a time when I had to wait for about two hours and read my APUSH book today as "Yay happy fun APUS reading time" If you can muster a childish voice, you have an approximate idea of what it was like. And then, when I declared what I was planning to do after writing this, it was something like "Yay happy fun APUS reading time...in bed" I'm a really cool person. Promise.
I visited a college possibility today, and I really liked it. I know that college visits are supposed to make you like the school, but I liked it a lot more than the other two schools I've visited. The facilities have been renovated recently, and they have a big furniture collection, and they have a wood shop that's open to everyone and they recently bought the old art museum and are going to show student work there and use it as class space. Also, printmaking. Siriously. It's pretty exciting. And after we looked at the school, we drove around the city with my cousin and saw a house designed by someone* very exciting.
I have a slight urge to mention Harry Potter right now. So, I would like you to realize that the only adults who can really handle deaths of people close to them are the Weaslys. Also, I wish that I could read the Malfoy/Nott conversation. Also, I think Harry Potter was kind of the perfect combination of the right book at the right time with the right promotion. Also, I'm thinking about names a bit and how all of my characters just have random names pulled out of the blue. Maybe this should be changed.
Also**, I like these lights. This isn't terribly relevant to your life, but you can like pretty lights too. I advocate pretty lights for everyone.
*Frank! Lloyd! Wright! Frank! Lloyd! Wright!
**Someone's been using the word "also" far too much. This might be unhealthy.

The Persistance of Memory

The title is mostly irrelevant. All y'all are used to that by now.
I feel like I need to do something big and crazy soon. Something exciting that I will be able to say was the best thing I did when I was sixteen. Do you have any suggestions? You'll do them with me, right? Because you can't do those kinds of ridiculous things on your own. Please? Yes. Yes. Win.
I need something to remember this year by.

Real titles are for losers.

Today in Art, Mr. B and I were talking about colleges. This is most of what I do in Art now, I haven't worked on my project in a couple days. Anyways, he was telling me about this college that he found that says they're the only one in the country who offers a BFA in Curating. So that sounds pretty cool. He talked about the other college I was interested in, SCAD as well. He thinks that I'm not interested in SCAD because I'm talking about it from a purely academic perspective (the price, my chances of getting in, the programs they offer). Both of us realize that if I was really in love with the place, I would not be talking like this. I would be sort of gushing, like if I saw this building.This is the City Hall in Paris. Isn't it amazing?!?! Yeah, I know it is. And it looks so pretty lit up at night, and the whole inside of it was burned during the Paris Commune (Euro connection!) so the amazing restoration people made the inside all pretty again. Now, if I was one of these people, I would be giddy about this. And look at the ceilings!
Clearly, I just need to run around the world and look at pretty buildings. Does anyone volunteer to pay for this adventure?

Anyways, that led me to thinking about things that I would be getting really excited about, in terms of career plans.

1.Any kind of fiction writing job.
2.A job where they let me touch important old stuff.
3.Making a living off of this blog.

Now that we know this, I just have to figure out what I'm going to do about it.

Why I am so far Behind...

I'm sitting in Euro. Justin is lecturing about the personalities of days of the week. I think he should teach history. He does plan on teaching history, so that will be pretty funny. He's just decided that Monday is male. I don't feel that monday is really male. Monday is really androgenous to me.
Anyways, I haven't gotten anything done this block. But I really feel like it was still useful, more useful than Bio was. I have a lot of crap to do this weekend. Civics crap, Bio crap, Euro crap, life crap, working. Working is pretty hilarious. I sell earth poision. 'Tis fun.
Annnnddd...
I finished reading two books last night. Because I have no life, yo. Wide Awake-Levithian, and The Cold War; A New History
Awesome wildly exciting thing I found out yesterday: I'm going to be a counselour for at least one week this summer. The dean emailed me yesterday, and I'm going to go to Pioneer Camp. It will be pimpin'. Church camp...

Feel the Epicness

My hair is dark brown. Really dark, actually. I actually think it makes my skin look lighter/pinker. I'm not sure why.
I had a really fabulous day today. I got my practice ACT score back, and it was decent (but I didn't get a 40 like I really wanted to). And then I went home to work on my Bio (I finished like...two questions. Going up to do more when I finish this.) and then I was getting ready to drive my brother somewhere, and Makena called me. We ended up finding a four-leaf clover and wandering in downtown Ann Arbor doing fun and exciting stuff (and taking 30 minutes to find a freeking parking space). And then I went to Andrea's, and we got into shenanigans. Actually, I showed her my pot garden. And then we called people. We went and picked up Makena and Manogna. And then we went back to my house and played ping pong. And then we made an epic fort. And then we drove to Target and bought things and stuff. And then we went back to my house and dyed my hair. And then we watched the first episode of Power Rangers. And then I drove everyone home. And then I ate seven crackers with cream cheese on them. And then I sat down to write this blog post.

Stuck in List Mode

This article continues a question that I've been thinking about for a long time.
Today I've...
Answered 230 questions about my character and what coworkers think of me for Panera. If I'm going to be earning minimum wage, is that really necessary?
Whined about my mosquito bites and the giant blister on my toe.
Thought many times about my Civics project.
Thought many times about my Commercial Art project.
Driven around my city. Nothing fun, just running errands.
Eaten several cookies worth of cookie dough.
Actually baked cookies.
Eaten too much.
Watched YouTube videos.
Slept in. Until ten. If sleeping in is ten, you know that the man has taken control of your sleeping patterns.
Considered my future.
Built a scary amount of a five year plan, in the spirit of Joseph Stalin.

Scary

I went to the bank today, and they said I could open a checking account. Without my parent there. So I did. And I just have to have my mom sign a form.
Doesn't that seem like it should be against the rules?
Guess what else I'm allowed to do.
Drive. Anywhere. Like, if I really liked this building, and then I found out it was an office building, I could just drive there. I could leave the state if I wanted to, although I'm not sure why I would.
This is really weird, but I'm liking it.

Sweet Sixteen

This was fifteen. I did wear that shirt yesterday, but this picture was taken on my birthday last year.
And this is sixteen. Well, almost. This picture is from a week and a half ago. My camera is broken, so that's the most recent picture I have. I'm wearing my Career Plans shirt because I think it's ironic.
I've had a pretty epicly awesome birthday. I drove today. I drove alone and I didn't kill anyone. If today didn't involve driving and being my birthday and being really freeking awesome, it would have sort of sucked. I forgot my pants, then I forgot my Econ homework, then my phone rang in Econ, then I cut through a worm intestine, then I tripped onstage. But since I was really crazy hyper, it was all good.

Big huge exciting changes since last year

I realized that I don't need a plan for my future. It will happen. It will all be okay.
I wrote a novel that I would not be hugely embarassed to show other people.
I met two of my idols.
I made friends with some people I met on the internets. And I didn't make a video this week (I am so sorry!)
I got better at Quiz Bowl.
I realized that I have a lot of room for improvement in terms of debate and writing.
I took English. That was quite the experiance.
I realized that the vast majority of careers that I know of would be either painful or hilarious. For instance, teacher=hilarious. Nurse=painful. Engineer=painful.
My real calling is to be a car identifier. I'll scream out if I see a Mini Cooper or a Mustang or a Camaro or a Corvette. The first Mini I ever saw while I was driving alone was grey with black stripes. I saw a yellow one with black stripes while I was driving with my brother.
I realized that I don't hate it here. I could probably handle living here for the next five years.
I realized how hilariously awesome it would be to take over the world.
I realized how much I need to go on a road trip with my friends. Canada, here we come!
I decided what I like, what I can do. And I'm gonna do it.

This year

Not that. Although it's pretty exciting.
Firsts
First year spent blogging long
First time I drove legally
First time I drove alone
First time I made youtube videos
First time I stayed up long enough to see the sunrise all alone
First time I had a stupid idea that other people liked (no, Shakespeare makes no sense after 2 AM)
First time I wrote a novel (I'm still excited when I think of that)
First time I painted something that was pretty permanent
First time I realized that I feel more at home at camp than at...home
First kiss

All in all, it was an exciting year, and I have no idea what to expect in 2009. Should be fun.
What I'm reading- A History Of Warfare. Pretty cool. It's the third nonfiction book I've read.

She still blogs, apparently.

Yeah, I haven't been blogging lately. This post will be a jumble of whatever I've been doing instead of blogging.

• Videos! I've started a project called FiveVloggingGirls. We each vlog once a week. I'm Monday. It's awesome.
• Songs From a Hat is my new favourite channel on YouTube. Apart from the VlogBrothers. No one will ever replace the vlogbrothers in my heart.
• Do I sound like a stalker?
• HANK AND JOHN ARE COMING TO ME. This made my week when I found out. You should come see them too!
• Algebra 2 is a pain in the ass. The homework is easy, the tests are hard. The class is not that exciting. Even though my teacher is in the rodeo.
• NaNoWriMo is coming up! Yay! And the other vlogging girls do nano. It's going to be so freeking awesome this year!
• Especially because I have Plot. A real plot. It's Romeo and Juliet if everyone's personalities were much more extreme than they are. And if they used common sense.
• Student Congress! I need to...research bills...at some point...soonish...shit
• Research Writing (debate class) is absolutely amazing!!! I love having a clue when no one else does! I love kicking ass!
  

No, the topics aren't supposed to be relevant

First, design. I've been thinking a lot more about design and houses and such lately. I really have no idea why this is happening, but I've been frequenting a few new websites/blogs on the topic.

Chez Larsson- Her house is unnaturally organized. It's sort of scary, sort of inspiring. The latest entries are about...uhh...scones, but check the archives.
Design*Sponge- You get to look at people's pretty houses and DIY projects. I want this desk, but have nowhere to put it. Tragic.
Door Sixteen- Making house pretty and sometimes random pictures.
Decor8- Random cool stuff, mostly interior designey.
Living Small- Focuses on how living a smaller, more sustainable lifestyle.
The Cool Hunter- Okay, this is just one page, but OHMIGAWD, I LOVE THE SECOND ATTIC!!!!!!!
White Furniture- Awesome furniture, but I think my grandparents have the originals in their basement. It's a little too retro.

Second, making the world a better place to be. What would happen if we all went outside and talked to each other for an hour (all at the same time) every week? What would happen if we all decided to change the world? What would happen if we stopped worrying about what other people thought of us?
I'm not really great at anything. I have accepted this. I'm never going to be in the Olympics, or be the President, or whatever. What I can do is change the world in a few small ways and make it a better place to be.
No Impact Man blogged about this once. He's pretty awesome.

Oh yeah

Yes, I totally do have my permit. I'm really, really excited/happy/squee/omgicandrive!

Yes. I drove around my subdivision twice, and out on the street once. Soulloon is really scared right now, considering that he probably drove on that same road at least once or twice today. No SoullooN, I don't have my own car. Maybe I'll get one when I'm 16. But I would have to get a job. There's no way my parents are buying me a car, especially not a new one like everyone at school seems to have.

Oh meme, oh meme!

I have been tagged by Kaya. I have never been tagged before, so this should be exciting or something.
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

The Seven Facts about Samantha/Froomla
1.I'm writing a new story. It's very stream-of-concisousnes. I will write after I blog.
2.I have no idea what I want to do if I grow up. It will hopefully involve writing and designing knitwear and maybe teaching.
3.I really, really hate it when people comment on my weight.
4.I am a really clumsy person. This is how I burn my fingers and scrape my legs all the time.
5.I just got my hair cut. I like it this way.
6.I hate wearing socks and shoes. I'm usually barefoot at home, and wear flipflops whenever I can.
7.I am thouroughly addicted to my Pandora radio stations.

Now it's my turn to tag someone.
I don't really know enough bloggers who I would feel comforatble tagging, but SoullooN, you're so tagged.

Jodi Piccoult

I finished Salem Falls at school today. Loved it so much. All of Jodi Piccoult's books are really great, but they're not really the kind of book that I read a lot of. I usually read what would be called the Twinkies of books. They're not deep, not challenging, and they don't make you think. They're kind of a weird comfort food. Jodi's books are the whole wheat bread of books. They make you think. Okay, so it might not be as deep as scary books (just about everything on the quiz bowl literature list) but it's deep to the point where it's still interesting.
I've also read My Sister's Keeper and The Tenth Circle. I think I liked My Sister's Keeper best, though.