My head is *such* and interesting place to be...and religion

That's a large piece of paper on my wall. I write my ideas on it. Is it part of human nature to have an uncontrollable urge to share things. Not tangible things, but stories, and information. What makes us like that? We're all storytellers, really. Maybe you don't write stories. Maybe you stick everything inside your head because you think that it bugs people when you go off on tangents about that one time your dog was running around in the snow and you tried to make a snow angel and then your mom let the dog out and you almost got your mittens bitten off and then the dog jumped on your chest and there was snow in your face and then you realized that there was a very small chance of ever being able to make a snow angel with your dog outside. Or something like that. See, you guys were all dozing off during that little story, and people wonder why I tend to not say things unless someone else expresses an interest in knowing whatever I have to say. Or if I get slap-happy. Which happens with alarming frequency. Why do we still tell stories if so few people out there actually want to here them? The point is, we all tell stories, even if it's just you rambling, spilling your guts to the population of the Internet, sending epic emails to friends about your ex-boyfriend and what a **** he was, making what could be considered a photo-essay all about the weird things your cat does, whatever. The point is, humans are almost made to be storytellers.
What shapes who we are? I used to be quiet. I actually used to be a shy person, and so many people are surprised by that. Someone in quiz bowl thought that I'd changed so much since I was in his class in sixth grade. He thought I was shy (I think he said this in one of those slap-happy moments).
On the list of things that bug me is this:

That's a picture of Jesus, right? What are the chances that Jesus actually looked like that? In my mind, Jesus looks much more like the kind of person who would be thought of as a terrorist than that. *I do not mean that Jesus is a terrorist. I mean that my mental image of Jesus looks much more middle eastern than he does in this picture* He looks white! Also, referring to God as "He". We have no proof that there is a God at all, much less a male God, or a God that even takes a human-like form. How can we say that God looks like that? That's almost like how there are very few women in the Bible, and most of the ones who are in the Bible are in there because they slept with someone important, or because they gave birth to someone important. Or if they're Esther or Ruth. I am now realizing the disturbing lack of facts for everything I've said here. Oh well. Feel free to refute my arguments in the comments. If you feel that I'm bashing your religion, I'll apologize in advance. A lot of my opinions about my religion were formed by the terribly closed minded conformation class that I took last year. My mentor (Who, funnily enough, had been Methodist for less time than I had) and I talked about some...interesting things. Let me go find my binder to show you.
Here it is. It's basically a worksheet of random questions to get the gears turning in your brain (or something) I've italicized all of the stuff that was actually printed on the worksheet, and my answers to the questions are written normally
4.Christian friends can help each other stay in touch with God by
Why are Christian friends so much better than just normal friends?
5.In my friendship with you, you have helped me to
Think openly
6.Friendship with god is a lot like other friendships. Spending time with God helps keep our friendship going. Prayer is a way to spend time with God. If someone asked me to describe my prayer life, I would say
Nonexistent
7.I could improve my ability to pray if I would take the time to
Pray
After you have talked about the above items, take time to pray in silence
*First, think about God's awesome love and greatness
*Express things that your are thankful for.
*Ask God to forgive you for things you have done of have failed to do
*Ask God to help you and others you know who need God's guidance.
The rest of the worksheets in the book proceeded in a similar manner, and my answers were just as smart-assed as they were here. Come to think of it, if I took conformation class now, I would be so much more cynical. Not terribly surprising, is it?
Oh my, here's an even more smart assed worksheet. Woah. I was a little...just wow
1.I believe that being active in my church will help me to
Nothing
2.I believe it's important for a person to be baptized because
It's not
3.I believe that receiving Holy Communion helps me to
Spill grape juice on the carpet
4.I believe that using my talents and financial resources in the work of god is important because
Um. Gods work-another opinion
5.I believe that it's important to be confirmed because it shows that I
can conform
6.I believe that god has given me the ability to
Think on my own
7.I believe that god wants me to
teach others to think
8.I believe that doubts and questions about faith help us to
question
From this, I think it's no wonder why I didn't get confirmed. Who knew I was so...sarcastic at such a young age?

P.S. I got my wish! SNOW!