Tuesday, October 25, 2011

What are you saying?

What are you saying?  I'm saying...

That was not relevant, but I like Tick Tick Boom, and I wanted you to know it.

I'm having this pervading feeling of worry right now.  I'm worried that I'm not making the right decisions, that I'm not doing the right thing with my life.  Then, I ask myself what else I would be doing, and I don't have a clue.  That's scary, that I might not be doing what I should be doing, but that there's nothing else.  I sometimes wonder if I like writing better than I like furniture.  And then I panic.  I panic because I'm not good enough at writing, and I'm not dedicated enough, and there's no clear path to a career.  Would I be better off quitting school and hitchhiking around the country to try and find myself, or at least find something to do?
No, I can't do that.  Girls can't go hitchhiking.  Nice girls from the suburbs go to college and get married and get a job they can quit it when they have kids.
I don't think I was ever cut out for that, but wouldn't it be so easy?  It would be so nice to do exactly what you're supposed to do and be happy with it, to feel whole without making anyone angry because you don't fit into their mold.

I don't want to deal with the future.

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