Monday, January 17, 2011

Dramatic Sigh

So...Um...I can't be the only person who, every time they see the word "sigh" they think it says "sign" for a second? Yep. Yep. Yep.
Chris Colfer won a Golden Globe and so did Jane Lynch and Colin Firth and Glee. Yay. But I don't think The Social Network should have won best picture. That belonged to The King's Speech. And Darren Criss? Two months ago, you were famous on the internet. And you were up there, and that was cool. And Chris? Chris reminds me that sometimes, you do get everything you ever wanted. And he's a legit ninja.
I am so eloquent.
Anyway, I've been thinking about my, uh, future. Yeah. that. Basically, I am so done with school right now, and I want to quit. But that's not allowed. You can't go to college if you don't go to high school. What a silly rule. But even then, I'm not sure if college is right and I'm not sure what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it. It's big and unmanageable and completely terrifying.
I'm not making very much sense now.
I'm on a suicide mission to finish this stupid book tonight.
That was a lie. It's not stupid. It's actually really interesting, but it's just so much information packed into the book that it takes me half an hour to read ten pages. And that's really frustrating.
This monster text explains my current feelings a lot better than I can. Even though I wrote it...but no matter. We were previously talking about superficial crap such as high school and external gratification. "On some level, it really doesn't matter, but when you look at it from the other direction, it matters. Everything matters. I want to be great, and I realize that my chances of not getting everything I want are far higher than my chances of actually getting those things. People tell me that they know that I'll make it, but how do they know? There are people who don't make it. What happens if I become another one of the nameless, faceless masses?" And they responded with something about fame that I would tell you but I didn't ask permission first, so then I said "I don't really know if it's about being famous so much as it's about being great. Like, what if I just try hard and fall into that constant trap of sabotaging any chance I have and then never make it?"
So yeah. That's what I'm feeling right now.

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