Monday, March 22, 2010


I'm thinking about people, and I've been thinking about people a lot lately, and I keep coming to one conclusion.
Do you want to hear it?
First off, I need to get out of this horrible habit of using words associated with hearing when I'm writing things.
My big, earth-shattering conclusion is this: People are complex.
I can hear you now*. "Samantha, that was the most obvious thing I've ever heard! Of course people are complex!" And I'm saying**, in response to this "Yes. Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake."
It seems like most people, they have all these different faces, and they show them to different people at different times. I'm not sure if they're trying or not, but it seems as though they do. I'm different on the blog than I am in real life, and I'm different on facebook than I am in real life, and I'm different at home than I am at school, and I'm different with one other person than I am with a big group. And goodness knows, I'm different when I'm all alone. This, of course, makes me wonder: What am I? How do I define myself? Who do I want to be? Who was I a month, a year, four years, eight years ago? Was I more truly me at that point in time? Am I truly me right now? And if I'm not me, who am I? Who is out there and worth being?
Really, what I'm trying to get across is this: People are lies, and they are complex lies, and the lies that they let you see tell you all the truth you're ever going to get out of them. I'm a liar. I'm a terrible liar, but each of those lies tells you what I wanted you to see at that moment. It may not be good, it may not be pretty, but it made some sense to me, and I wanted you to know. Those lies, they are the only thing that borders on true. Maybe they aren't some abstract thing that I put outside, but maybe they are me.

I don't feel wrong for lying, because the lies are all I've ever had.

On an unrelated (who are we kidding? Of course this is related.) note, I've been wondering for a while now if my brain functions slightly differently than a lot of other people's brains do. I was playing a game on Saturday, and someone told me to think like they do. I didn't understand. I don't know how to think like they do, and I don't think I'm supposed to know how to do that.

I may be too introspective for my own good.

*See? It's a unhealthy addiction!
**I'm starting to get worried about this issue.

5 Fab Fans:

LittleTree said...

Sam, I am reading this cool book called the lies we believe . . . it is going through some of this stuff, I have enjoyed it . . .
hey, I hear you on the introspective thing . . . keep working through it, and remeber you are a work in progress . . . peace

Bianka Rose said...

You shouldn't think like other people.
And this is really interesting.

Aeromax said...

To tell a lie you have to be aware of, and consciously avoid, the truth. But in a world - the private universe of one's own mind - where a definite truth is elusive (if even existent), Boolean logic is about as appropriate as a tooth growing out of your forehead

Andrea said...

I told you to think like I do in order to win Pictionary.

Of course you shouldn't know how I think or I for you. That's how humans are... Different things come to our minds when someone says "single file" or "mark."

I don't want someone to think exactly like I do... that's like what happens in movies when a dude clones himself and then he tries to fight his clone but he'll never win because they both know what eachother will do next!


Well, anyways, I think it's really interesting how people can go off on different brain tangents and how everyone thinks differently.

Samantha said...

Andrea, I didn't think that you wanted me to think like you do. The point was, the whole concept of being able to see how you think and try to think like that at all was kind of bewildering to me.