On Measurements.

Hey.  I'm being a whiny little piece of shit about this, and if you don't want to read it, I understand.  I barely even want to read it.  For serious.
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(minipost)

Do you ever have those afternoonsdaysmonthsyears where you feel wildly unmotivated?  There are things to do and you sit down to work on them, but you just can't?  That is me.  All this week.  It isn't very much fun, I'll tell you.  Not fun at all.  Like a day in which you do absolutely nothing and end up sort of hating yourself a little bit?  That is my everyday since Sunday in which I did nothing.  Like got out of bed at 1 pm and lazed about in my pyjamas all day doing nothing.

That kind of makes me hate myself a little bit.  Eh.

I am also thinking of novellas as a viable option and embracing the idea of the book as a physical object.  I want to learn the basics of bookbinding and make a limited run of this little project I've been working on.  I'm thinking that it would be free to download, with an optional donation* and then have the same thing as a printed piece of wonderfulness.  Or maybe try to find a publisher?  Melville House has come up a few times in passing over the years, and they seem like they might be interested in this sort of thing.

There's also this other project that I've been working on, with a friend.  It's very exciting and a little bit scary and I'm sometimes overcome with that very bad feeling that I tend to get when I'm doing group projects at school, where you feel like you're not putting in enough work and then the paranoia takes over and you just know that everyone else resents you and thinks you don't deserve to be in the group.  I am a little bit crazy in this way.  YUP.

Maybe this minipost is not actually so miniature after all.  Hum de dee.  I'm going to bed now, I have to get to school early tomorrow for a Furniture club meeting.  Furniture club is one of those events that reminds me that oh, yes, there are more than five people in this program.  Funny.  I brought home my model of the table thing that I made and it is...incredibly useless.  Where am I supposed to put this thing?  I might just throw it away...

I am thinking more about sculpture lately.  I really like 3D.  We are building masks that are supposed to evoke emotions and mine is agression.  I have a lot of pent up agression inside my soul.

*to the "Samantha gets to write fun things fund"

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Fiction Friday

You are an expert weaver, even though you don't know it. You take these fragments of information, bits and bytes of you, and you spin them into something more, and you take all of those something mores and you tie them on your loom, taut, taut, and then you get going, shuttle flying back and forth. Faster, faster and you create something from it, you build a life for yourself. I stare at you like I'm amazed, because I am. You're creating fictions, whole universes that never existed before you, and I'm amazed. You're not. You're used to it, this is the norm for you.

How very strange.

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Quote of the Month

"If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on tv telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it."
Frank Zappa


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Well.

I can't think of a title, whatever.
I HAVE THE FAULT IN OUR STARS.
So.  Um.  This year.
It's a new year.  It's my TENTH year in which Harry Potter has been playing a disproportionatly large role in my life and also the NINTH year since my house burned down which means, in a way, that I am not a child anymore.  Odd, isn't it?
I've had a bunch of stuff going on!  It's all very interesting!  And sometimes it sucks.  Like a lot.  I haven't been writing on either of the novels, because when I revisited No More Stars I realized just how much it was like my NaNo and I don't love either of them.  In fact, I think their stories are dumb and plots are unimaginative and characters are ill-defined and I kind of hate them.  So that's that.
I need to write a novel and actually finish it and not hate it.
I should write some short stories.
I should write a play.
I should get off my ass and do something, once in a while.
There's an exciting new project that my friend/housemate and I have been working on, and if it all goes as planned, it will be perfect and amazing and JK Rowling will send me a letter letting me know that she really thinks it's great and then I will DIE.  Can you imagine how cool that would be?  If it doesn't go as planned, I will be sad.  I'm very worried that it won't go as planned.  At least I'm good at worrying.
I heard, yesterday, that my school is starting a collaborative design program next year.  I don't actually know what collaborative design is, except that apparently you study all aspects of design and then you go get a MBA.  Hmm.  I think that might be interesting?  One of my friends (the person who made this blog layout, incidentally) told me that she was switching her major from Graphic Design to Advertising, which means that she would do more ad directing than actual, like, making advertisements and such.  That might be interesting.  Also, for the Fashion career day, the vice president of Kenneth Cole is coming to talk.  Like, woah.  And there's Bodies of Art coming up, which seems cool.  Fashion is weird.  I am not a fashionable person at all, by any stretch of the imagination, but it's...interesting.  You know how male is the default in most things, but in fashion, there are clothes, and then there's menswear?  Like an afterthought?  That's interesting.  I'm getting a little more excited about Kendall and Kendall things.  That's good.  Also, I plan on going to the Meyer May house on Sunday and it will be fantastic.
New semester has started!  It's pretty exciting.  Drafting will be shittons of work, Art History will be a party but not as fun and engaging as last semester, Design Drawing with a different professor is woah crazy I feel like I don't know anything anymore, and 3D is fun and great.  My 3D professor is fantasticly weird and the class only has seven people and it's all very cool.  LIKE (10).  Whenever we discuss things, it's makers and objects, never artists and works of art.  I like that.  I like that expanded definition of things that matter.  Also, we discussed artists who are alive today.  Somehow, it strikes me as very odd that there are fine artists who are alive right now and all they do is art.  And...there are more than 20 of them who exist.  How does that even work?  What is that like?  I follow one of them on twitter, and it seems to involve...calligraphy?  This is that awkward moment when I admit to all of you that deep down, I want to be a fine artist and live in a crazy commune in the woods somewhere and make things all day.  Only not.  They don't always have internet in the woods, did you know that?
I dropped Oral Rhetoric.  I have very mixed feelings about this.  In high school, I felt a lot like I should have been trying harder, I should have been challenging myself to reach my full potential and I really wasn't.  I'm scared of doing the same thing now.  I just want to be perfect.  If I keep up this only-taking-twelve-credits business, I'm going to graduate a semester or year late.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but...I have to have some sort of measurable success in my life.  Is that bad?  Does it show a deep internal lack of confidence?
Probably.  Whatever.
I need to make some shapes for 3D and do a million drawings for Design Drawing and eugh.   I will listen to podcasts while I do them.  Fuck college.  Now, I have to be at school at 10 on one set of days and 12:30 on another one.  PARTY ON.
I have so many feelings about this. This is cool you should check it out and also and wow huh.  That's the internet for ya.
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