Inspired inability

I don't know how good I am. At anything.
I don't think I'm very good at charcoal. When I touch it, I'm paralysed, I can't figure out what to do, proportions get even more out of whack.
I might be okay at drawing. I'm not really sure.
I'm thinking of illustration. Is that weird? Maybe I just harbor too much of a desire to be Brett Helquist. This goes along with my desire to be Door Sixteen.
Things would just be better if I wasn't myself. I've always been puzzled when people say "be yourself" because I, personally, have never been offered the option to be someone else. If given the option, I might very well take it, as long as it was someone awesome.
And the other thing that I needed to tell you...Evanna Lynch ships Luna/Dumbledore. Giggle..giggle giggle...that's so...weird...
Okay, one of my friends wants to see what I've been working on, so...here goes. this is, hopefully, going to be good enough for my portfolio.
This is my still life. It's a shell...and a bucket.This is my figure piece. I did it tonight. It needs to get darker.

The Persistance of Memory

The title is mostly irrelevant. All y'all are used to that by now.
I feel like I need to do something big and crazy soon. Something exciting that I will be able to say was the best thing I did when I was sixteen. Do you have any suggestions? You'll do them with me, right? Because you can't do those kinds of ridiculous things on your own. Please? Yes. Yes. Win.
I need something to remember this year by.

People

French teacher, I'm sorry that I wasn't paying attention in class today. I was busy reading Push. I'm 100 pages in, and I really love it. The spelling is a little irritating, but other than that, it's good. I can't wait until class tomorrow so I can read the rest of it.
It makes me think about people. Well, that and Omegle. They both make me think about people in a weird way. Omegle makes me think of how people relate to each other. When you chat on Omegle, a lot of people ask a/s/l. I never tell them. Knowing that I'm a sixteen year old girl from Michigan really doesn't tell you anything about me. If I told you that I've know more about Harry Potter than I should and I like Quiz Bowl and I like French but I can never remember new tenses and I spend too much time looking at interior design blogs and I want to live in a big city and I was kind of angry at springs and the whole entire world during physics today, I feel like you would have a little snapshot into my mind. I like the snapshots. I feel like they give you so much more, and it tells you something, the things that people choose to include and choose to leave out.
Push? Push makes me think of the huge differences between my life and other people's lives and how our background influences every single part of how we interact with others.

Before we start, I would like to show you We All Have Secrets. It's like PostSecret (which I adore), only a little different.
Today someone said that the only books I like are unoriginal. This is absolutely true. However, they had this negative connotation of unoriginal, and that doesn't make any sense to me. Everything about me is completely unoriginal, yet I still find a way to like myself. The clothes I wear are unoriginal and mass produced, the hairstyle shared with thousands, the books I like, depending on which ones, are shared with millions. I have nothing original around me, and I'm fine with that. I think there's this overwhelming desire to consider anything original to be good, that we lose the beauty of having something completely unoriginal done very well. I can go to school and read the same book that every other kid in America has to read, and I can still love it. I can love watching the same movie over and over the same way I can love talking to the same people over and over. If the book is good, and the movie is good, and the people are interesting, then what is there stopping me from enjoying it? We've had enough people on the planet who have had some inclination to create things that there's almost nothing original out there. Everything has been tried before, but it's a little bit different every time, and that's why it's interesting.
On the other hand, origionality does have it's values. I could write a completly origional novel about the Glaggeden, a group of creatures that live on a star. They live on a star because no other authors think of writing about creatures that live on a ball of firey gas. These creatures can not talk, because all those other novels have talking creatures. They can not have internal conflict, because all those other novels have internal conflict. They can not have a war with some sort of other creatures, because all those other novels are about war. In fact, because literature has an overabundance of characters that are creatures, I am considering of making them into plants instead. We have an award winning novel coming up as soon as I can figure out what happens in it.

Shiny, That One Is

You know that idea? The one I had with the story every Sunday for a year thing?
It's happening. It's exciting and amazing and it's going to be awesome. And, I need one of you, my lovely readers. I need a volunteer. What do I need this volunteer to do, you wonder? I need an editor. I need someone who can read a story and say "Samantha, that character is a dumbass, and you need to learn how to spell "seriously". The story is tragic."
What would my volunteer get in reward? Well, I would teach them how to bottle fame and brew glory. They would gain my eternal love and adoration. They would get free hugs. They would get thanks in my Oscar speech. I would teach them the ways of the froomla. They would be internationally known as my protege. They would get to make cakes with me for the birthdays of dead playwrights who had amazing beards. They would learn how to say "beard" in French. They would get to listen to me rant about everything and anything.
These are rewards that money cannot buy, my dear readers. If you'd like to gain these sorts of rewards, you really should say so in the comments, and I would be eternally grateful.

Paused

I hit the pause button. And now I'm wandering around while everyone else is frozen in place. I don't think they can see me and I don't care if they do. And I run and climb and scream and laugh and it's amazing. And I throw a rock at a window. It bounces off. I punch people, I just bounce back. And it all stays the same and it's comforting. But at the same time, it's scary. It's not supposed to work, the pause button. None of them, nothing except for play is supposed to work.
But even when it's going okay, even when you hit play, it's scary. It's really scary. Because with play comes the questions. Questions that are hard to answear. Not "Name the author of Ghosts" or "What's the capital of Bangladesh?", I can answear those. These questions are like "Will you ever be anything?" "Do you want to go on?" "How are you going to get out?" "Will you ever get out?"

And that's what really scares me.

Big Plans

My day was pretty epic. Et tu? Non. N'est epic pas. See my ninja French skills. I'm taking French III next year. It might be useful to learn a little more of that.
I've decided that if I grow up, I'm going to change my name to something like Sun Ray and build awesome kickass ninja houses like these. But I'm going to live in an old house with very little excess junk. If you come over, you're probably going to have to sit on a pillow on the floor. Just warning you. I'll let you stay there if you participate in my "let's be crazyass hippies and grow weird vegetables (PURPLE CARROTS) and have fun" lifestlye. You should come to my crazyass intentional community.
Anyways, I got new shoes. They're not nearly as comfortable as my old ones, even though they're the same. Maybe they're just not broken in enough? Probably.
I'm off to find some purple carrot seeds.

Confuzzed

After Socialism, Fascism combats the whole complex system of democratic ideology, and repudiates it, whether in its theoretical premises or in its practical application. Fascism denies that the majority, by the simple fact that it is a majority, can direct human society; it denies that numbers alone can govern by means of a periodical consultation, and it affirms the immutable, beneficial, and fruitful inequality of mankind, which can never be permanently leveled through the mere operation of a mechanical process such as universal suffrage....

...Fascism denies, in democracy, the absur[d] conventional untruth of political equality dressed out in the garb of collective irresponsibility, and the myth of "happiness" and indefinite progress....

...iven that the nineteenth century was the century of Socialism, of Liberalism, and of Democracy, it does not necessarily follow that the twentieth century must also be a century of Socialism, Liberalism and Democracy: political doctrines pass, but humanity remains, and it may rather be expected that this will be a century of authority...a century of Fascism. For if the nineteenth century was a century of individualism it may be expected that this will be the century of collectivism and hence the century of the State....

From http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/mussolini-fascism.html

Basically, fascism is against everything. So really, the only thing that I know about fascism is that you need someone who has a strong personality, who the people believe in. Awesome. It also helps to have a terrible economy, so people will listen to and believe in a leader's big promises.

I've been thinking more and more about what it takes to be a strong leader. So far it involves making the people think that you are listening to them and giving them something to believe in. Other weird thing: French named their kids Aristotle. Russians named their kids Tractorina. Fail.

Also, it is snowing outside. I know that it has snowed in April before, but we've been having an average to warm spring. Funny.

A Slippery Slope

Aside from being my favourite fallacy, I think this idea may turn into one.
"What idea?" You ask.
My manifesto. See, today in Euro, we had to read a bunch of sources and say weather or not they agreed with the idea that Einstein turned the world on it's head. There was the futurist manifesto, the dadaist manifesto, and we read the communist manifesto a while ago.
All the cool kids have manifestos.
Also, why not? I know what I think about all of this is going to change, probably change very soon. Why not record it now?
That is why I need a manifesto.
Because, believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold and die.