Eugh.

I'm so tired right now.  I'm not sure why, really, but this week has wiped me out.  Staying up 'till 2:30 last night probably didn't help.  Is it always this difficult?  Would this be difficult for anyone who isn't me?  Becca did this, last week.  Lifeguarding and Village Staff all on her own.  And she had more cookouts.  And she was in Chippewa, so it took her an extra fifteen minutes to get anywhere.  Why is this so tough for me?  Why am I so dumb?  Why didn't I get enough ground turkey, or any sweetened condensed milk, and why did it take me twenty minutes to realize that we had a lifetime supply of tortillas sitting in the pantry, at eye level?  I'm still going to have to pack that cookout, the spaghetti and doughboys for breakfast (some sort of opposite day thing) and then pack the horse camp pizza pockets in a cooler so they can take them along for lunch.  Then it's s'mores for the Chippewa group after dinner, and that's all.  I can handle that, right?  Why is Brent so useless?  I was talking to Jo about him earlier, in a not really positive at all kind of way, and we were in the kitchen.  Later, he comes out of the DVD office at the other end of the unit shelter.  I don't know if he was there while I was talking about him, and I don't know if he heard.  The kitchen has a sort of base level of loudness that makes it difficult to hear things that are happening inside from outside.  There are two big fridges and one big freezer, plus the cookout fridge and the bread freezer, so they all make noise, and I wasn't being that loud.  I really shouldn't have said that, but I've been talking about him all summer.  That totally makes me a jerk, doesn't it?  He's in the same position that I am, first summer on staff and not really sure what to do or where to fit in, and I'm being mean for no reason.  I am such an asshole.  I just took "Shank Brent" off of the stickies thing on my dashboard.  Baby steps, right?

He was being sort of aloof towards me earlier, when I was in the kitchen, eating, but he's always sort of like that.  And Fred and Nancy were out in the other room, eating, but I had to act like an antisocial freak and just stay in the kitchen.  When I left, Fred asked me if I was going to a cookout, and I was just like "no".  Because obviously, if I hadn't been invited to a cookout, I would have just eaten with them, and sat at a table of adults, and conversed like a normal person, instead of sitting in the kitchen and refilling dishes for an hour.  I'm not sure if  I remember how normal meals work for adults around camp.  I just want to sleep.  I just want to sleep.

I did go to sleep.  With the staff cabin radio next to me, on my bed.  I am fairly certain that Joel does the same thing.